The Dancer Re-Emerges

Many dancers this year are having or have had babies, not only in my local region, but on the national scene as well. Michelle Joyce, Amar Gamal, Dondi, Bahaia, Oreet. It seemed that every dancer was having a baby. And I too, was pregnant with a little boy.

I danced almost daily until the last month of my pregnancy, performing at eight months. I was still going to classes and not much had changed for me, other than that I couldn't fit into a costume. I had no idea what was about to happen. But I was determined to keep dancing, no matter what.

The act of birth itself is no small feat, it turns out. I had quick and dramatic labor, and one of my lifelines through my natural birth was the soothing sounds of Middle Eastern taxims. I don't remember exactly what was playing when Kai was born, but I believe it was actually a baladi progression. One of the first times I stood up in the hospital, I held him and swayed to the melody of Bitwannes Beek, singing it softly for him. I was told to stay off my feet for the next two weeks to recover, not something a dancer wants to hear. However, during those first few months, a mother is entirely focused on her baby, learning how to care for him – and herself again. Nevertheless, dance was never far from my mind. I was afraid I would lose connection to it entirely, and with it, myself.

My body was completely unfamiliar to me, neither the full fruitful bounty of pregnancy nor the muscular tautness from before. I had strong abdominals and pelvic floor even after pregnancy, because I had never stopped dancing, but my strength was not what it was. And my back ached from leaning over and holding this baby all day long, so my straight posture had grown hunched. When I went to Rakkassah to shop, I was horrified to find that costumes no longer fit me off the rack, as they used to. And I didn't see any time in my future to put make up on and wash my hair, let alone get a mani/pedi! I despaired of ever returning to Middle Eastern dance as anything more than a hobby.

I needed my spouse to come home early to watch him if I was to take classes, and I couldn't be away for long. For a while, I took him along with me to class, until he started to need me to hold him throughout the class (or else he would cry). Everyone thought he was adorable, but I couldn't concentrate on my dancing when I also had to care for him. Now, I did have maternity leave, so I fell into a rhythm of finding time to dance at home while he slept. I remember working my way through an entire Dr. Mo meleya leff choreography, taking breaks when Kai would awaken. Once I returned to work, it became near impossible to go to class or practice at home. My spouse suggested that I have private lessons at the house, and so now I have private lessons with Susi and Najmat once a month or so. It's not the same as going to class, seeing my friends, so I also managed to start going back to Amira Jamal's class, which starts later in the evening.

The most intimidating thing I had to face was returning to public performance. Before I even gave birth, I set up my next date at the Middle East – in November. I hadn't danced there for a year at that point. On top of that, I was coming back as a "professional", a paid dancer. I had a longer set and, for myself, a lot of expectations to live up to! The first performance may have gone well, but I was too nervous to enjoy it. But, with that out of the way, my next performance – at Za-Beth's holiday hafli – felt like a triumphant return, and the next time I danced at the Middle East, I was my old confident self again. Now, I find myself dancing at Basha Café on Saturday.

Although I can't do everything I used to do, I can apparently still be a professional dancer. I do find the time to put on my make-up and get my gig bag together, and to practice at home from time to time. Kai enjoys watching me improvise, if I treat him as an audience member, and he loves middle eastern music, wiggling along to the beat on the floor. He sleeps earlier now, and I find that's a great time to work with some videos, build my strength and flexibility with pilates and yoga, or simply work with some of my favorite pieces of music. I am losing weight almost effortless and my body is returning to a shape I recognize as each month passes. I even found that I was able to fit into most of my old costumes.

It has only been six months since Kai was born, and that hardly seems like a long time to have taken a break. I see now that I didn't really ever take a break from dance, because I need to have this in my life. But I don't think I needed to be nearly so afraid of losing it forever. That said, I don't think I'll be having another baby any time soon. One wonderful baby is just fine.

My performance at Za-Beth's Holiday Hafli (referenced above)